LOST Magazine
December 2008 / January 2009 – No. 29

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How to Profit from the Coming Rapture

by Steve and Evie Levy

The Rapture can occur at any time. The subsequent Tribulation, however, cannot begin until the Antichrist (i.e., Satan's representative on Earth, about whom more later) signs a pact with Israel. Thus, in order for there to be a Tribulation — and the Apocalypse, the Second Coming, and the Millennium — there has to be a State of Israel. No wonder Christians the world over rejoiced in 1948.

The Tribulation officially begins when the Antichrist, as head of a world government, makes a seven year covenant with Israel. That is why the creation of the State of Israel in 1948 was so wonderful for Christians as well as Jews. It set the stage for everything to come and fulfilled various prophecies, including Zephaniah 2:1–2, Ezekiel 38–39, and Isaiah 11:11–12.

Once Israel came into existence, Fundamentalist Dispensationalist Premillennialist Evangelical Christians the world over brought new vigor to a tireless vigil that continues to this very day, waiting and hoping for the end of the world. Who wouldn't, when you expect it to bring eternal salvation?

We're kind of looking forward to it, too, because we've got lots of financial plans ready to go once the seven year clock starts ticking. But before we can put them into action, we (and you) will have to rethink certain basic financial concepts. Here are the most important:

1. Time Frame:  Normally, in financial matters, "long-term" refers to periods of time measurable in decades, and "short-term" investments usually last between one and five years. Seven years after the Tribulation begins, however, all investments will be over and most of the human race will be dead. And no one except readers of this book will know this is happening.

(The Fundamentalist Christians who would know it will be in Heaven by then.) Therefore, by drastically compressing your time sense, you can obtain a significant advantage over the market.

That's why, once the Rapture happens, we want you to fine-tune your vocabulary so that

  • "long-term" refers to anything lasting more than one year;
  • "medium­term" refers to anything lasting between two and 12 months;
  • "the near future" refers to anything taking place from the day after tomorrow until about two months later;
  • "short-­term" refers to anything starting now-ish and lasting until the end of the day, or maybe into the next morning on the West Coast;
  • "immediately" refers to anything that as soon as you say "immediately" is 20 minutes too late, so never mind.

Result? While everyone else continues the habit of talking about "realizing steady growth over the ensuing ten year cycle," you'll be talking about "getting a bunch of money on Thursday." And making it happen!

2. "Rainy-Day" Liquid Reserve:  Today, many financial advisers suggest keeping enough money to cover about eight months' worth of expenses in a readily available form, usually a money market fund. This is commonly called a "rainy-day reserve," which is probably why such cash is referred to as being "liquid."

However, during the Tribulation, cash will be worth less and less, and liquids themselves will become more valuable. So use your reserve of liquid cash now to prepare your cache of reserved liquids (bottled water, soft drinks, alcoholic beverages, fruit juice, et cetera) for later.

3. Life Insurance:  Most people don't need life insurance until they either get married or have children, and by then they can't afford to die. Bear in mind that once the Rapture takes place, the odds of anyone dying at any given time will be far less than the odds of almost everyone dying at once. Therefore, we recommend that you buy all the coverage you can afford. On everyone you know.

Shop around. Compare whole life for a limited term versus term for a whole lifetime. That way, if you survive, you'll be at least a little more glad to be alive.

4. Wills:  Normally, a will is something carefully compiled in a spirit of solemnity and serious thought and only changed sporadically, over decades. This, of course, is because the prospect of our death feels both unpleasant to think about and remote in terms of its likelihood.

During the Tribulation, however, death — of your loved ones, your heirs and assigns, and even yourself — will be a daily part of life. Therefore, once the Rapture takes place, learn to think of your will not as a monumental document to be revised sporadically, if at all, but as a kind of ongoing, posthumous "to do" list. Post it on the refrigerator with attractive or whimsical magnets. Maybe clip a colorful, fun felt-tip pen to it for added convenience. Revisit it every day or even every few hours; modify and revise and "touch it up" to keep pace with your changing moods and circumstances. Consider employing a notary public in your home.

If you take the advice in our book, How to Profit from the Coming Rapture, your estate will increase even as your list of people to leave it to is shrinking. Get into the habit of updating your will today and eventually you, or whoever you love and is left alive after you, will be glad you did.

From How to Profit from the Coming Rapture:  Getting Ahead When you are Left Behind, © 2008 by Barbel, Inc. Courtesy of Little, Brown and Co.

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Steve and Evie Levy, the Doomsday financial experts, are the fictional creations of Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, who live in Los Angeles and whose bestselling books include Yiddish with Dick and Jane and How to Raise a Jewish Dog.

Buy Steve and Evie Levy's books through Amazon at the LOST Store.

Articles in this Issue

Economics, by Robert Sullivan
A Nation Cannot Grow Rich by Fighting, by Henry Loomis Nelson
Bad Money, Bursting Bubble, by Kevin Phillips
Liquid Assets, by Mark Kingwell
What's in the Bank These Days?, by Bunny Crumpacker
The Cost of Counterfeiting, by Dana Thomas
How to Profit from the Coming Rapture, by Steve and Evie Levy
Auntie Blessy and Yamashita's Treasure, by Robin Hemley